Three months ago today God blessed us with a beautiful son we named Nehemiah. Hard to believe it has only been three months. Our lives were so forever changed by God through him. Thank you, Jesus, for Nehemiah. Give him a kiss from Mommy and Daddy.
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Friday, May 25, 2012
I have been having a bad week. I was ready to give up and crawl in a hole. I did not feel God. I miss my sweet baby. And, I just did not feel connected to My Love. But, a friend reached out to me and shared this scripture. I read it and asked again for a touch from God and for His help in connecting with My Love. He answered with a great night with My Love and the strength that connecting with him brings, and I feel I might can face another day. I am still begging Him [Jesus] to stay close to me and to ease the pain, but He gave me hope just when I was ready to give up and crawl in a hole.
Thank you God for the answered prayer, thank you for strength from my husband, thank you for my husband, and thank you for using my friend to reach out to me with your word.
Luke 11:9-10 New Living Translation (NLT)
“And so I tell you, keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened."
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
“For the LORD your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.”” Zephaniah 3:17 NLT
Could Jesus be rocking Nehemiah and singing over me like I used to sing over Nehemiah? That is a comforting thought even though I would really like to be the one holding Nehemiah. Oh how I ache for him! But, he and Jesus could be singing together. That's a nice thought.
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
I discovered a new song today. The title is Glory Baby, and it is by Watermark. You can find a play button on the bottom of my blog to hear it for yourself. I played it over and over today. It speaks just what my heart is feeling. How I long for my baby, Nehemiah! And, how I long for my home in Heaven! I feel so out of place here!
I never understood how people longed for heaven… before. I would wonder how we were supposed to long for a place we did not know. I did not long to die, and that is what longing for heaven made me think of. Heaven felt so far away, and I wanted to participate in life here with the things I knew. I mean, singing praise songs is great, but I was not ready to do that full time, so I did not long for Heaven.
But, I have changed. I still don’t long to die. I am not suicidal (don’t worry, My Love), but I long for Heaven because precious Nehemiah is there. My arms ache to hold him! I know Jesus is holding him, and I know Jesus is perfect and all that, but it doesn’t feel right for his mommy not to be holding him. I am his mommy, and everything in me feels like I should be holding him…
Thank you, Jesus, for letting me hold him... Thank you for the sweet times we had. Thank you for sharing him with us... even for such a short period of time... That time introducing him to praising you in the NICU and RNI was the sweetest, most precious time of my life.
Anyway, by the second time I heard this song, I swear, I did not hear the word baby. My brain and heart change the words instantly now, and I hear Nehemiah’s name. So, what I hear is more like this…
Glory Nehemiah you slipped away as fast as we could say Nehemiah… Nehemiah…
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us Nehemiah…Nehemiah...
Heaven will hold you before we do.
Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you…
Until we’re home with you…
Miss you everyday,
Miss you in every way,
But we know there’s a
day when we will hold you.
We will hold you.
You’ll kiss our tears away,
When we’re home to stay.
Can’t wait for the day when we will see you.
We will see you.
But Nehemiah, let sweet Jesus hold you (just like we talked about)
‘till mom[my] and dad[dy] can hold you…
You’ll just have heaven before we do.
You’ll just have heaven before we do.
Sweet little Nehemiah, it’s hard to
understand it ‘cause we’re hurting.
We are hurting,
But there is healing.
And, we know we’re stronger people through the growing.
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good.
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would…
I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies,
and what they must sound like.
But, I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home…