For almost as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a wife and mother. Then the unthinkable happened, or at least, that is what my emotions tried to tell me it was at the time.
Ten years ago the doctors told me that I had some problems that could prevent me from getting pregnant and that they would get worse as I aged. My doctor said that if I was married he would recommend that I start trying to get pregnant right away if I wanted kids because he did not know how long he could preserve my fertility. However, I was not married, and he respected that. So, he did what he could to preserve my fertility, and I started a long journey with God learning to trust Him with my dreams in a whole new way.
Two years ago, August 2009, I got married to a wonderful man who loves the LORD and seeks to follow Him. We did not feel that it would be the right thing for us or God's will for us to have children right away. We wanted to work on our marriage... to work on developing a strong foundation for our future whether it involved kids or not. So, that's what we did. We worked on growing closer to God and closer to each other, and I continued working with the doctors to preserve my fertility and working with God to trust Him with my dreams.
Then this past January, January 2011, My Love and I decided that it was the right time to stop my treatments and see if we could get pregnant. We had prayed and waited until we both felt like we had a Word that the timing was right. We decided not to be aggressive and get all bent out of shape looking for it each month. We very purposefully left the timing to God. It took six months.
Right after July 4th my sister-in-law, SIL, came down to our house and brought our nieces. We were so excited about the visit. I felt like a kid again. I was so excited about their visit. So, I planned this beach trip. We took the whole day to go down to the island. We took the girls to the Sea Lab. Then we had a pic-nick at a park with lots of huge oak trees. After lunch we went to the beach and swam and looked for sea shells. We ended the day by going out for sea food at a famous local restaurant. It was a glorious day.
I was expecting my "monthly visitor" though, so I kept running to the bathroom to make sure I was covered. It never came. This made me suspicious, but I continued to watch for it for about a week. I did share with My Love what was going on right away, but we were both in a fog of disbelief and scared to get our hopes up. So, we kept waiting.
Right before my SIL left I told her I was going to take a pregnancy test because I was usually never late but this time I was a week late. She was not scared to get excited and by this time My Love was losing the battle with it, too. This raised my excitement.
I decided to take the test the morning my SIL and nieces were leaving. I got up early to take it before everyone left the house, but you have to go the bathroom to take it, and I was too excited to do it. I just couldn't! That's never happened before. So I waited. After everyone was gone, I took the test. It was positive!
I couldn't believe it. I took a picture and texted it to My Love. He was SO excited! Then I texted my SIL that it was positive, called my mom, and called the OB/GYN to make an appointment. I had to wait two weeks for the appointment, but when I went, the doctor confirmed what the home test had said.
We walked on cloud nine for a few more days, and then the "morning sickness" and other early pregnancy symptoms started kicking in. It was not just in the morning. At the peak, I was sick all day long. The worst was at night, but I was sick all day long. I had to work, so I did. But, I did not do much else. My Love has had to take over everything around our home, but he has been a champ. He has taken it all in stride. I'm so glad that he is my husband. He is such a hard working man, and he takes good care of me.
God answers prayers. First He answered my prayer for a child and a husband by telling me to wait and be OK even if he said no in the end. Then He gave me a wonderful husband. Now He has given us a son to be born March 17, 2012. He ask me to give my dreams to Him and to do it with an acceptance that He might say no. And, He ask me to love Him the same even if He said no. It was HARD. There is no way to say how hard it was. And, it did not reach my emotions overnight. I had to keep making the decision over and over again. When God provided my husband, he did not understand my acceptance that I might not have children or my need to accept it. But, God worked on my husband, and he came to the same place I was... hoping but accepting. Then to our utter delight and amazement, He our most awesome and loving LORD, provided us a son. He answers prayers on levels that I never could have dreamed of or understood before He brought me down this path He has taken me down for the last ten years.
God is good... all the time... God is good... even when we don't think we like what He is saying.
Until next time...