Several years back, I had a pastor named Bro. Fred. He had advice for when you want to get rid of a bad habit... a habit of the flesh such as any from the following verse. Note here that speaking harshly with our husbands or speaking out of anger or hurtful words could be put under quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissensions, division, or envy depending on the situation.
Bro. Fred said that if you want to get rid of one of these habits of the flesh then you need to pray, yes, but then you need to start replacing it with a good habit. The good habits or habits of the Spirit are listed in the verses immediately following the habits of the flesh.
"19 When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, 21 envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God."
So... I have been looking for ways to replace any habit of fleshly talk to or about my husband with Spirit led talk to or about my husband.
" 22 But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!"
Last night at the end of my ladies bible study when we were sharing prayer requests and praises, my sister-in-law was praising God for the FLY Lady because she has found the help in disciplined homemaking that she had been praying for in the FLY Lady's site. As she was talking about what all was involved in the FLY Lady's plan, she mentioned that the aspect that really won her over was the FLY Lady calling her husband her "dear husband". My sister-in-law said that was an example of respect that she wanted to follow. That really made an impression on me.
I thought, "Wow. Such a small thing, but such a BIG thing." In the Spirit talk habit that I have been trying to develop it shows love, kindness, & gentleness as well as respect as an important and dear part of the wife's life.
Then I though about how I had been watching how I talked to my husband and trying to avoid talking to or about him out of frustration... I have been trying to replace this by adding praise for my husband to my daily talk... self talk, talk to friends, talk to him. I have been trying to consciously say "thank you" more often and to send him love texts and love notes and to tell him I love him more (not just when he tells me).
All this led me to think about how my husband and I have pet names for each other. They are simple. He calls me "My Love" and I call him "My Love". But, I have trouble doing it in front of others. I think this is probably because we did not have sweet names for each other in my family home growing up. My parents just didn't do it... except for my dad to me...
However, after listening to my sister-in-law talk about how the FLY Lady calling her husband "my dear husband" really impressed her, I have come to a decision. I am going to start working on using the sweet name of "My Love" more openly for my husband as a sign of respect and admiration. I want to pump my dear husband, "My Love," up and do him good and not harm all the days of his life.
I'd like to give a big thank you to my sister-in-law for so openly sharing from her heart and to the FLY Lady for sharing what she has learned about "keeping" a home and a good outlook on life.
Until next time...