A Prayer From a Friend

I am not Eastern Orthodox, and My Love is not either. A friend, who is, gave us this prayer when he heard of our situation with our baby. It is his prayer for our child. I thought it was touching and thoughtful and holds many sentiments that I would like to remember.

Until next time...

Eastern Orthodox Prayer For A Woman With Child:

O Sovereign Lord Jesus Christ our God, the Source of life and immortality, I thank Thee, for in my marriage Thou has blessed me to be a recipient of Thy blessing and gift; for Thou, O Master, didst say: be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth. I thank Thee and pray: Bless the fruit of my body that was given to me by Thee; favor it and animate it by Thy Holy Spirit, and let it grow a healthy and pure body, with well formed limbs. Sanctify its body, mind, heart, and vitals, and grant this infant that is to be born an intelligent soul; establish him in the fear of Thee.

A faithful angel, a guardian of soul and body, do thou vouchsafe him. Protect, keep, strengthen, and shelter the child in my womb until the hour of his birth. But conceal him not in his mother's womb; Thou gavest him life and health.

O Lord Jesus Christ, into Thine almighty and paternal hands do I entrust my child. Place him upon the right hand of Thy grace, and through Thy Holy Spirit sanctify him and renew him unto life everlasting, that he may be a communicant of Thy Heavenly Kingdom. Amen.

Ultrasounds & Growing Faith

My Love and I had an ultrasound on the 13th of October that told use we are having a boy! It was so exciting while they were doing the ultrasound! I just loved watching him flip and turn and watching his heart beat.

But, then we went to the exam room to be examined by the doctor and see what he had to say about the ultrasound. He didn't say much. In fact, he did not say if it was good or bad. What he did say was that he wanted me to go see a specialist for a special ultrasound. I thought, "But... you are the specialist." I didn't say it though. I just found out what I needed to know to go to the specialist and went. The baby was flipping and twisting every which a way while we were having the ultrasound before talking to the doctor. My Love was convinced that this was why we needed to go to the specialist. He believed, and had me hopping, that they just couldn't get the pictures they wanted with the baby moving the way he was.

So, on October 24th we went for a special ultrasound with a group of perinatal specialists. I want to share what we found out. My Love and I trust God intends this for good, and we are choosing to trust Him with the outcome.

The specialist found what he calls four markers that he wants to watch. They are in the baby's brain, kidney, heart, and umbilical cord. He found two fluid sacks on the baby's brain, an enlarged kidney, blood in the heart flowing up when it should be flowing down, and only one vein going out of the umbilical cord where there should be two. He said each of these would be minor if it was the only thing he found. The thing is, he found four. That changes things. At this point, it could be serious or it could not. We just don't know. They wanted to do more testing to try to further determine what we are facing, but My Love and I wanted to digest the information they gave us before making more decisions. The doctor said that was fine. This specialist group we saw was very good about being concerned with how we were taking the news and what we as the parents needed.

I have an appointment with my regular OB/GYN on November 4 (this Friday), and we go back to the specialist on November 17 for another special ultrasound and to let them know what we have decided about the testing.

We are still praying and trusting God with the outcome. I could see the things the doctor saw on the ultrasound when he pointed them out. I believe they were there. I don't believe that the human body just fixes itself. I do believe that God forms and can fix the human body. I believe that God can choose to let our baby have these problems &/or others for His purposes that I don't have to understand, or He being God can choose to heal our baby. My prayer is that He heal the baby He has formed in my womb and given us, but I choose to accept whatever He decides is best for us as a gift from Him. He is love and gives good gifts.

Until next time...

God Answers Prayers: A Ten Year Milestone in My Walk with God

For almost as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a wife and mother. Then the unthinkable happened, or at least, that is what my emotions tried to tell me it was at the time.

Ten years ago the doctors told me that I had some problems that could prevent me from getting pregnant and that they would get worse as I aged. My doctor said that if I was married he would recommend that I start trying to get pregnant right away if I wanted kids because he did not know how long he could preserve my fertility. However, I was not married, and he respected that. So, he did what he could to preserve my fertility, and I started a long journey with God learning to trust Him with my dreams in a whole new way.

Two years ago, August 2009, I got married to a wonderful man who loves the LORD and seeks to follow Him. We did not feel that it would be the right thing for us or God's will for us to have children right away. We wanted to work on our marriage... to work on developing a strong foundation for our future whether it involved kids or not. So, that's what we did. We worked on growing closer to God and closer to each other, and I continued working with the doctors to preserve my fertility and working with God to trust Him with my dreams.

Then this past January, January 2011, My Love and I decided that it was the right time to stop my treatments and see if we could get pregnant. We had prayed and waited until we both felt like we had a Word that the timing was right. We decided not to be aggressive and get all bent out of shape looking for it each month. We very purposefully left the timing to God. It took six months.

Right after July 4th my sister-in-law, SIL, came down to our house and brought our nieces. We were so excited about the visit. I felt like a kid again. I was so excited about their visit. So, I planned this beach trip. We took the whole day to go down to the island. We took the girls to the Sea Lab. Then we had a pic-nick at a park with lots of huge oak trees. After lunch we went to the beach and swam and looked for sea shells. We ended the day by going out for sea food at a famous local restaurant. It was a glorious day.

I was expecting my "monthly visitor" though, so I kept running to the bathroom to make sure I was covered. It never came. This made me suspicious, but I continued to watch for it for about a week. I did share with My Love what was going on right away, but we were both in a fog of disbelief and scared to get our hopes up. So, we kept waiting.

Right before my SIL left I told her I was going to take a pregnancy test because I was usually never late but this time I was a week late. She was not scared to get excited and by this time My Love was losing the battle with it, too. This raised my excitement.

I decided to take the test the morning my SIL and nieces were leaving. I got up early to take it before everyone left the house, but you have to go the bathroom to take it, and I was too excited to do it. I just couldn't! That's never happened before. So I waited. After everyone was gone, I took the test. It was positive!

I couldn't believe it. I took a picture and texted it to My Love. He was SO excited! Then I texted my SIL that it was positive, called my mom, and called the OB/GYN to make an appointment. I had to wait two weeks for the appointment, but when I went, the doctor confirmed what the home test had said.

We walked on cloud nine for a few more days, and then the "morning sickness" and other early pregnancy symptoms started kicking in. It was not just in the morning. At the peak, I was sick all day long. The worst was at night, but I was sick all day long. I had to work, so I did. But, I did not do much else. My Love has had to take over everything around our home, but he has been a champ. He has taken it all in stride. I'm so glad that he is my husband. He is such a hard working man, and he takes good care of me.

God answers prayers. First He answered my prayer for a child and a husband by telling me to wait and be OK even if he said no in the end. Then He gave me a wonderful husband. Now He has given us a son to be born March 17, 2012. He ask me to give my dreams to Him and to do it with an acceptance that He might say no. And, He ask me to love Him the same even if He said no. It was HARD. There is no way to say how hard it was. And, it did not reach my emotions overnight. I had to keep making the decision over and over again. When God provided my husband, he did not understand my acceptance that I might not have children or my need to accept it. But, God worked on my husband, and he came to the same place I was... hoping but accepting. Then to our utter delight and amazement, He our most awesome and loving LORD, provided us a son. He answers prayers on levels that I never could have dreamed of or understood before He brought me down this path He has taken me down for the last ten years.

God is good... all the time... God is good... even when we don't think we like what He is saying.

Until next time...

102 Things I Love About My Husband 2011

This is an annual list for me. I started it our first fall married. It grows each year as I grow more and more in love with My Love, my husband. These are in no particular order. This is just the order they came to me as I sat down to write. I love you with my whole heart, My Love.

102. He does my laundry.
101. He washes the dishes.
100. He cleans the house with me.
99. He keeps our grass cut.
98. He is cleaning out to make room for a baby.
97. He took over all the chores when I got too sick to handle my part.
96. He doesn't complain about all he has to do.
95. He does the shopping for me when I can't.
94. He helps me get ready for work in the morning.
93. He helps me get the sleep and rest I need... which is a lot since becoming pregnant.
92. He goes to the doctor with me.
91. He sets goals for our family to love and honor God.
90. He stringently makes sure the tithe is given to God.
89. He makes sure bad TV shows and movies stay out of our house.
88. He has dreams of supporting our family so that I don't have to work.
87. He puts our family first.
86. He is tall.
85. He has broad shoulders.
84. He loves to hold me.
83. He cares that I approve of how he dresses for church.
82. He really likes our Sunday School class.
81. He really likes our church just like I do.
80. He loves Star Trek.
79. He hates Harry Potter.
78. He hates Twilight.
77. He fights to keep vampires out of our home.
76. He wants to say the hard stuff that I'm too polite to say.
75. He takes my needs seriously... even if they are silly little girl needs.
74. He is still romantic after two years of marriage.
73. He loves to bring me flowers.
72. He loves to provide for me.
71. He loves to say, "I'll get it."
70. He is tender and takes care of me.
69. He supports my dreams for our house.
68. He is helping encouraging me in my dream to paint.
67. He likes red.
66. He likes blue.
65. He likes small cars.
64. He only wants to drive a stick shift.
63. He pulls for Auburn just for me... he doesn't care for football himself.
62. He watches football just for me.
61. He likes America's Funniest Videos.
60. He lets me go see movies that are too sappy for him.
59. He loves my dog.
58. He recognizes the role my dog takes in my life.
57. He makes my dog a priority just because of what it means to me.
56. He takes care of my dog when I am too sick to do so myself.
55. He howls with Copper (my dog) and I.
54. He gives me money to spend.
53. He gets upset if I am without money.
52. He gets upset if I am driving around without my phone.
51. He texts me all day long.
50. He calls me if he can't get me by text or chat.
49. He does not want a job that will require him to travel away form me.
48. He believes I'm beautiful.
47. He tells me I'm beautiful.
46. He gives back rubs.
45. He hugs me in public.
44. He likes any event (within reason of his moral standards) that makes me hug up against him.
43. He remembers the anniversary of when we went on our first date.
42. He remembers the anniversary of when he proposed.
41. He remembers our wedding anniversary.
40. Our wedding anniversary is a special day to him.
39. He is sentimental.
38. He loves his mom and sisters.
37. He wants to be a positive male role in his sisters' lives.
36. He is passionate about music.
35. He loves sunsets.
34. He can watch a sunset from start to pitch dark with me.
33. He loves to photograph sunsets.
32. He loves photography.
31. He does not throw photographs away.
30. He is loyal to his friends.
29. He makes friends for life.
28. Making time for his friends is important to him.
27. He keeps in touch with his friends even when they move away.
26. He buys me gum.
25. He will go out and get anything I crave.
24. He bought me strawberry ice cream in the middle of the night.
23. He will go to a fast food restaurant with me (that he hates) just to get me a burger when I am craving it.
22. He tries to eat healthy.
21. He is rigid when it comes to his beliefs... not easily swayed.
20. He likes to take care of his mom when he can.
19. He loves Holidays with family.
18. He couldn't love our nieces any more.
17. He changes his driving habits just for me.
16. He hates Halloween.
15. He likes to take me clothes shopping.
14. He likes to buy me shoes.
13. He comes to the library and sets up the Meeting Room for me.
12. He comes to work with me on Saturdays and gets the book drop in for me.
11. He volunteers at kick-off just for me.
10. No matter what job he is doing, he tries to the best of his ability to do it with excellence.
9. He cleans my bathroom.
8. He loves our baby. He was on cloud nine for a week after the first ultrasound.
7. He is good with computers.
6. He talks about his work with me.
5. He listens about my work... even though it only frustrates him because he can't fix it.
4. He loves God with more than just words.
3. He loves me with more than just words.
2. He wants to be real.
1. He reads God's work daily.

How to Fight Fair about Money
Matt Bell, Author of "Money & Marriage"


Every healthy relationship involves conflict. In fact, psychologist John Gottman, who has spent more than twenty years studying what makes marriages last, believes that “fighting . . . can be one of the healthiest things a couple can do for their relationship.”


Gottman says that how couples fight is “one of the most telling ways to diagnose the health of

your marriage.”


So, don’t try to avoid conflict. Instead, learn to fight fair. Here’s how:


Complain, Don’t Criticize
A complaint focuses on the other person’s behavior; criticism focuses on their character. An example of a complaint is “You overspent your clothing budget again this month.” It becomes criticism when you blame or verbally attack the other person by adding a comment such as, “That was really selfish of you.”


Avoid Contempt
Even worse than criticism, contempt insults or psychologically abuses your partner. An example: “What’s the matter with you? Don’t you ever think before you spend?”
Be especially vigilant about not letting these types of comments creep into your relationship. Think about the words you use and avoid any that convey contempt.


Listen Well
When you’re on the receiving end of a complaint, your instinct will be to respond quickly. Go against that instinct. Instead, listen actively to what the other person has to say. Make sure you understand the issue by asking clarifying questions and mirroring back what you hear.


Speak Non-Defensively
Defensiveness, which includes denying responsibility and making excuses, only turns up the heat on arguments. When she says, “I think you’re spending too much on golf,” it won’t help to storm back with, “I have to spend sixty dollars whenever I play; that’s how much it costs!”
Try this instead: “Well, let’s take a look at our budget and see how much I’ve spent this month compared to the golf budget we both agreed on. If I’ve spent too much this month, I’ll make up for it next month by finding some less expensive places to play or by playing less often.”


Stay With It
Gottman says men are especially are likely to bail out of an argument. Even if they don’t grab the remote in the middle of the conversation and switch on SportsCenter, they may check out by responding with silence. Guys: stay focused.


Two Keys to a Great Marriage
Gottman has drawn two simple, powerful conclusions from his years of studying what makes for a healthy marriage. The first is a straightforward mathematical formula: “You must have five times as many positive as negative moments together if your marriage is to be stable.” The second is this: “Most couples I’ve worked with over the years really wanted just two things from their marriage—love and respect.”


While men and women both need love and respect, women especially need to feel loved by their husband and men especially need to feel respected by their wives.


This point about love and respect would make for some especially helpful conversations.



Women, ask the man in your life,

• “What do I do, financially speaking, that makes you feel respected?”

And,

• “What else could I do?”

Guys, ask the woman in your life, “What do I do, financially speaking, that makes you feel loved.” And, “What else could I do?”

His Needs/ Her Needs...

Bob Barnes, in his book "What Makes a Man Feel Loved," lists these "Men's Needs" and "Women's needs."

Mens' Needs
1. Sexual fulfillment
2. Recreational companionship
3. An attractive spouce
4. Domestic support
5. Admiration

Woman's Needs
1. Affection
2. Conversation
3. Honesty and openess
4. Financial support
5. Family commitment

Kevin Leman listed 3 needs each in "7 Things You Need to Know But He'll Never Tell You".

Leman's His Needs:
1. Respected
2. Needed
3. Fulfilled

Leman's Her Needs:
1. Affection
2. Honest, open communication
3. Commitment to family

A combined list from the way I understand them would look like this:

His Needs:
1. Respect & Admiration
2. To be Needed
3. Sexual Fulfillment
4. Recreational Companionship
5. An Attractive Spouce
6. Domestic Support

Her Needs:
1. Affection
2. Conversation
3. Honesty and Openess
4. Financial Support
5. Commitment to Family
6. Needs met without always needing to be asked

Here is a quote from Barnes' book. It is where my #6 under her needs comes from.

"Recognizing and meeting these needs for one another will mean a stronger marriage and the ability to get through the rocky times that come. A wife benefits greatly when her husband recognizes her needs and does his best to meet them - without always having to be asked!"

I do not really have any controle over the if, when, or how of my dear husband meeting my needs. But, I do over the if, when, and how of my meeting his. I choose now to purposfully meet his... no matter how I feel. Some of them are pretty hard for me to meet. They do not come naturally. But, with the LORD's help, I will do him good and not harm all the days of his life.

Until next time...

90 Days To a Fantastic Marriage

I read this today, and I thought, “I want to do this.” The author challenges us to do five things in 2011 to make it the best year of our marriage. He guarantees I will see a transformation in my relationship with My Love. So, here I paraphrase/personalize his list and set more goals for my marriage in 2011 and beyond.

1. “Choose rose-colored glasses.” There may be things I find annoying about My Love, quirks and habits that annoy me, but he has many strengths I can celebrate as well. I can choose to focus on the things that bug me or all the things that I fell in love with in the first place. The qualities I celebrate and pay attention to will likely grow. So, I choose to be thankful for, and pay attention to his good qualities… build his strengths.

2. “Bring out the best in your mate.” I have the power to bring out the best (or worst) in My Love. Whatever I focus on will become larger in our relationship. So, I choose this year to take note of the qualities I want more of and compliment him about them. I plan to thank him for the extra niceties he does for me (washing my clothes, doing the dishes, cleaning the bathroom, scrubbing the floors, raking the leaves, and on and on and on). I plan to take note of his caring attitude toward others (family and friends). I plan to express to him that I notice his generous spirit and how he cares for me and others. By doing this I will reinforce instead of break down the qualities that are important.

3. “Nurture your mate's dreams.” “There is little more life-giving than noting what is truly important to your mate.” What are My Love’s secret dreams? What really makes his heart sing? I plan to notice these things and encourage him to pursue his dreams. I plan to find ways to let him know I am willing to make sacrifices for him to pursue something near and dear to his heart. The article says that nurturing his dreams builds an incredibly powerful connection to him. I haven’t done this very well in the last year because his dreams scare me, but I plan to make more of an effort to overcome my fears and support his dreams.

4. “Initiate change by encouragement.” Change doesn't occur with criticism. So, I plan to stop. Plain and simple (not really simple or easy!) stop. Every issue that arises -and there will be many- can be handled more effectively with encouragement. The author of this article gives an example of money. He says if I don’t generally like the way My Love spends money, I need to find a time that he does well and praise him for that time. Praise him for his careful spending in that one instance. I can say I am concerned about money and I appreciate how he handled that situation. “People make changes with encouragement, not criticism.”

5. “Maintain mutual admiration.” Positive momentum in marriage takes intentionally staying positive and focusing on positive. I need to resist the natural temptation to slip into criticism and negativity. I need to instead be a Pollyanna and notice the good things about My Love. “Everyone wants to be praised and responds positively to it.” I need to compliment him. Catch him doing things well. Speak highly of him.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. Philipians 4: 8 -- Great verse for everyday life. Great verse for marriage relations.

Until next time…