With
Easter on the horizon, my thoughts and emotions have been all over the place. I want tomorrow to be a Holy experience with
God, but it is hard for me because last year was such a hard, yet, special Easter. I fear that all others will pale by
comparison.
Last
year, Nehemiah was in the hospital in Birmingham. Josh was in Mobile having gone back to work
and having become sick with a stomach virus and unable to come see Nehemiah and
I. Last year on the eve of Easter, I was
splitting my time between the Ronald McDonald House and my son’s hospital room
in the RNICU.
But,
last year was such a very special year.
God was so very, very near to me as I told my son of the baby that was
born a little baby like him but grew to be a big man like Daddy and died on a
cross so we could all go live with him & his father in a wonderful place
one day. I felt like I could reach out
and touch God because He was right there in the room with me, and I never felt
alone. I missed Josh and my family
tremendously, but I did not feel alone.
This
year is so very different. Josh and I
have spent the day together. We had a
relaxing morning lazing around and eating pancakes. Then we cleaned house together, and finished
the day off with a date to one of our favorite restaurants. There is a part of me that feels like I
should feel so much more blessed this year than I did last year because things
are going “good” this year. But, I know
that last Easter was an especially BLESSED Easter.
I
have spent a lot of time over the last year thinking about what “blessings” are
and what we really pray for when we pray for blessings. In her song “Blessings” Laura Story sings:
“When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win…'Cause what if your blessings come through rain dropsWhat if Your healing comes through tearsWhat if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise”.
When darkness seems to win…'Cause what if your blessings come through rain dropsWhat if Your healing comes through tearsWhat if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise”.
What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life
I
have spent a lot of time thinking about that.
The first time I heard the song, I knew there was a message there that
resonated with me. Blessings did come to
me in the form of events that caused me to shed a lot of tears. I had to wonder if that was what blessings
really were, and I struggled with anger when I thought that it was.
We
pray for blessing because we want good things for us and good things for our
family and friends. We pray for
blessings because we want to be happy and we want the difficult time to end for
us and our loved ones, but what if God has something else in mind? So, I turned to scripture, and this is what I
found Jesus teaching about blessings:
“God blesses those who are poor and realize their need for him,
for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs.
God blesses those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
God blesses those who are humble,
for they will inherit the whole earth.
God blesses those who hunger and thirst for justice,[b]
for they will be satisfied.
God blesses those who are merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
God blesses those whose hearts are pure,
for they will see God.
God blesses those who work for peace,
for they will be called the children of God.
God blesses those who are persecuted for doing right,
for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs.” -- Matthew 5:3-10
for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs.
God blesses those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
God blesses those who are humble,
for they will inherit the whole earth.
God blesses those who hunger and thirst for justice,[b]
for they will be satisfied.
God blesses those who are merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
God blesses those whose hearts are pure,
for they will see God.
God blesses those who work for peace,
for they will be called the children of God.
God blesses those who are persecuted for doing right,
for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs.” -- Matthew 5:3-10
And,
it occurred to me that the things God blesses and the blessings he bestows are
not really what I am most often thinking of when I pray for blessings.
It
caused me to stop and think more as I pray. When I am thinking of praying for God to bless a friend, do I mean help
them be humble, help them hunger and thirst, help them work for peace, mourn,
or be persecuted for doing right? Not
usually. I usually mean to ask God to
take some of the burden off of them and to make their life easier, but maybe I
should pray for them to experience God in the blessings He knows
to be best for them.
I
mean I would like for my life over the last year to have turned out
differently. I would have loved to have
spent last Easter and the last year at home with my wonderful husband and
beautiful son. I still physically ache
for Nehemiah. But, if we had gone home
from the hospital in February and all been healthy, I probably would not have
experienced God on the level that I did.
I probably would not have felt Him so real in the room with me. I would be a different person, and I would
not have the testimony of how very true that verse four is when it says those
who morn will be comforted.
This
year, Easter means THANKSGIVING to me.
Thanks to Jesus for coming to this earth and enduring all He did so I
can go live with Him and my son one day.
Thanks that he gives me comfort and strength to carry on here on earth
while I wait for the time I can go live with Him. Thankful that He lived and died and arose...
very, very thankful.